half empty or half full?

i don’t quite know what to say to you. you’re leaving…and i can almost guarantee that the moment you step out of our apartment for good will be the last time that i see you…but i honestly don’t think you care. i still don’t understand how we got from being inseparable to where we are now…barely speaking. i was lucky if i even got you to look at me when i spoke. but you made that choice. it was your decision to cut me out of your life. although i have accepted the fact that this is what our friendship has boiled down to…it sucks. just so you know, it sucks. it sucks to have done nothing wrong but be taking the consequences for it anyway. it sucks to have to live with you and have you there as a constant reminder that sometimes…people screw you over. it sucks..because i trusted you.

i made you something…a book of memories full moments that defined our friendship. but i struggle with whether i should give it to you or not. the pages filled remind me of everything that was…the late night talks, random adventures, moments spent in prayer, little miracles…but the pages that are empty remind me of everything that could have been..all the memories that could have been made…but were not. all the laughs we could have had…but didn’t. i don’t know whether to be glad that the book is half full…or sad that it is half empty. i don’t know whether to be glad that you are leaving…or sad that it had to end like this.

and for the record, i don’t miss you…i don’t miss you at all. i miss the person i thought you were. i miss the girl that said after one week we would be friends for life. i miss the girl who said that i would be at her wedding. i miss the girl who said i was her friend and meant it. i wish you the best…i really do. i hope that life brings you all the joy in the world. i am just sad that i am no longer part of your journey. i thought i meant more than that…but i was wrong.

so i guess this is goodbye. thanks for the memories.

~ by Sisters By <3 on May 14, 2008.