Broken

When you’re broken in a million little pieces 
And you’re tryin 
But you cant hold on anymore. 
Every tear falls down for a reason. 
Don’t you stop believing in yourself
When you’re broken.

Broken.

We talk about it all the time. Things are broken… toys, limbs, hearts, cars. If you can name it, it can probably be broken.

At church, we talk of brokenness. There is a need for brokenness. We should embrace being broken that we may be reshaped and transformed. We are the vines and we must be pruned in order to bear fruit.

Broken.

I’m not sure why today was especially difficult or why tonight has my mind “rushing and racing and running in circles.” I feel like my brokenness is seeping into the world where people might see it. I worry that my voice is getting quieter and the negative voice is getting louder. I wonder about why it is that all of these entries are painful, angry, and depressing… why don’t I write when I’m happy? I *am* happy sometimes. There *are* good days and things that make me proud. 

I’m not going to stop believing that one day I’ll win the battle. I’m already making progress in one arena, but unfortunately, I also see the backslide in the other. I’ve pondered over writing the specifics, but I fear divulging too much… I fear triggering myself or others. I fear that I’ll worry you. Sigh. <3

~ by Sisters By <3 on February 28, 2009.