Another phone call to make…
Three weeks ago, I went to see Kathleen. We went over my paperwork, what was going on, and some possible treatments. I see her again on Thursday.
I said no to group therapy. Maybe at some point down the line, but not right now. I can’t miss my Tuesday night workouts and I can’t do 2.5 hour dinner meetings for four months. The very idea makes me want to cry. She also recommended I call the nutritionist. I haven’t. I should. It scares me. I don’t want someone to tell me what I should eat. I don’t want to gain weight.
I gained two pounds this week. I got the flu and missed the gym for several days. I feel like I don’t deserve to eat. Part of my “homework” was to step on the scale less. In some ways, I have… I’ve been staying with a friend almost daily instead of at home. This friend is the one that made me go back to therapy. He doesn’t own a scale. When I’m there, I can’t weigh myself. When I’m home, I step on the scale every few minutes praying the number will be lower than the time before.
I’m nervous for Thursday. Will the anxiety ever stop?
My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I’m through
It’s because of you
I’ve tried different ways
But it’s all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I’m just trippin’
<3
